Hi...I'm Shannon..er I think I am..I realized over the summer/ end of last year that I was very different. I've discovered a prominent love for both genders so decided I must be bisexual. But recently I have this urge to just go out with my hair chopped off, almost as a boy. To be treated as both gender(if called sir would not say oh no i'm a girl etc) but at the same time, therea re moments when I enjoy being a girl... I am scared to tell anyone because I don't know if it makes any sense or if anyone will accept me. I just want to disappear. To not have to deal with this. To leave. But I am not strong enough to. I would not purposely die but if a car was coming at me, I proably would not move. I don't know what's wrong with me. And if it's possible to be a girl AND a boy...is it?????
Florham Park NJ
Everyone goes through a period of discovery regarding their sexuality. Having questions, bing unsure area a normal part of that process. This can apply to your gneder identity as well.
Our culture teaches a rather "black and white" view of gender roles. Men do this. Women do that. In reality, the expression of one's gender runs a much broader expression. In between those "black" and "white" extremes, a bounty of greys and vibrant colors express the multitude of possibilities.
In some Native American cultures, "two-spirited" individuals are recognized. These individuals integrate qulaities expressed by both males and females. Interestingly, these individuals are regarded as healers. Two-spirited individuals often became the parents of children who lost their parents.
Shannon, you are not alone. You do not have to figure this out by yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Your gender expression reaches a wider range than most people. You have elements of expression that transcend your biological gender.
Finding supportive, accepting communities will help you immensely. http://maplewoodcounseling.com/lgbt-youth-support-gay-teens/
This link lists some LGBT youth resources in your state. Check them out. See if they offer counseling services or drop-in groups. You could find other LGBT teens that understand what you are experiencing.
Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.
Shannon, you are strong. Often times, when we feel at our weakest, we are actually demonstrating our greatest strength. You have a very clear sense of yourself. You are recognizing subtle nuances about your gender identity. That is brilliant work ! Now, you need to find communities that will help you understand what you have discovered.
Know, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week. If you need someone to listen, we are here.