I'm so happy that you've had the courage to write to the Trevor Project. It takes a lot to reach out to others when you're in pain, and I commend you for your strength and bravery. I cannot imagine the pain and sadness you are feeling after your father's suicide. I know that it is especially difficult because of the argument you had with him before he died. It is okay for you to still be sad and depressed after such an event. I want you to know that your father's suicide was not your fault, and that you are not alone.
Sonni, it worries me that you wake up every day wanting to die. I want to encourage you to talk to a trusted adult about these feelings. If you feel like you're going to act on these thoughts and feelings, I want you to call 911 immediately. Your safety is very important. You can also call us at 1-866-488-7386 24 hours a day, 7 days a week any time you need to talk.
Depression is a powerful feeling that can make you isolate yourself from your friends and family, cause you to be tired all the time, take away your motivation to do things, make you not enjoy the things you usually like to do, make you sleep and eat much less or much more than usual, and make you see everything in your life in a negative way or make you think of ending your life. Please know that there is treatment for depression and suicidal feelings including medication and/or therapy. It can help to talk with a mental health professional, such as a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist about what you’re feeling and going through in order to get the correct treatment to help you feel better and see choices and options you may not be aware that you have. On www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm you can learn more about depression and its treatment, and on http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/ you can search for mental health services in your area.
Again, Sonni, please understand that you are not alone. We are here for you always, and if you ever feel like you may act on your feelings, or even if you just need to talk, you can call us 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386. We can also help you find additional services in your area on this hotline. You are such a strong and brave young woman, and you deserve to be happy. Please take care of yourself.
The Trevor Project