Hey Trevor! I have been bisexual for a while and my family thinks that I am not. But I do think my mom knows. Anyway, I’m supposed to spend the summer with my aunt and uncle and they go to a church that frowns upon the homosexual. They believe that if a person is like that then they may have been hurt. I haven’t. But the thing is I don’t know how to tell my aunt that i don’t believe in what is being preached. I am living this double life. All my friends know just not my family. Is there any insight you can give me?
Signed,
Star, 13, Kent WA

 Dear Star,

 

It's very common for LGBT youth to have family members who do not understand the complexity of growing up bisexual.  It's great, however, that you are self-aware about your sexuality and have been able to share this with a support network of friends.  This takes a lot of courage.

 

It's very normal and natural to be bisexual, despite what your family members may believe.  Additionally, being bisexual and religious are not mutually exclusive; you can practice your religion, continue to attend religious services, and still reconcile this with your sexual orientation.  While there are many religious leaders and communities that frown upon being gay or bisexual, there are still many others that teach love, acceptance and equality for all and are supportive of LGBT people.   How do you think your aunt, uncle or mother would react to your coming out and/or sharing your personal beliefs regarding being gay or bisexual with them?   Do you feel a sense of stress by not being able to share your views on sexuality with your family?  However you decide to confront your family about this, just make sure you have a safety plan to the extent your family responds in a negative way.  Your safety is of the utmost importance, so consider speaking to a trusted adult like a guidance counselor, family member, friend or teacher before taking action with your aunt or uncle.

 

We at the Trevor Project care about you and want you to know that are many resources out there for you.  If you’d like to read more about various opinions regarding faith and sexual orientation, there is a great resource online called The Institute for Welcoming Resources at http://www.welcomingresources.org.  Additionally, PFLAG has a guide called “Faith in our Families:  Parents, Families and Friends Talk About Religion and Homosexuality” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/FaithinourFamilies.pdf.  Last but not least, feel free to also call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-Trevor if you need someone to speak to. 

 

The Trevor Project