Dear Tim,

Congratulations on your official coming out! So, it’s been two whole weeks and you still haven’t found the “right guy?” Jeez, Louise, what’s the hurry? J

O.K., I know you aren’t going to want to hear this, Tim, but I would strongly encourage you to focus your energies on developing yourself as an individual gay man, right now, rather than on finding “Mr. Right.” The more together you are about yourself, the more you know yourself and engage in activities that you enjoy and stimulate you, the more attractive you will be to others.

So, essentially, I think the best way to find the “right guy” is not to focus your energies on finding him! Keep yourself open to the possibility of Mr. Right coming along, but also keep yourself open to making new friends—even if they don’t turn into Mr. Right. And try not to automatically dismiss guys you may meet who don’t immediately fit your idea of boyfriend material.

If you aren’t sure of gay resources in your area, give our helpline a call. They might know of places you’re unaware of. But, Tim, even though I know how difficult it may be for you right now, try and put the breaks on the need for a boyfriend and focus on becoming a dynamic gay individual. The boyfriends will follow.

Trevor

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