Issues surrounding sexuality can be really complicated and confusing. With the different feelings, both emotional and physical, that you're having for men and women, it’s understandable that you'd be struggling to figure things out for yourself. When you find yourself feeling sexually responsive to men but mentally interested in dating women, it understandably makes you feel confused and question yourself. You ask, “What does it mean?” and the truth is, Tobi, that the one person who can answer that question is you. It may take some research and soul-searching, but you will come to the answer eventually. The good news is that there is no rush to figure out the answer to your question.
Remember that all sexual orientations (straight, lesbian, gay and bisexual) are natural and normal. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian or gay) and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about who you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with: guys, girls or both. On www.bisexual.org you'll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then "Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG" you can find information that may help. Some bisexual people have equal feelings for guys and girls, some have greater feelings for guys while others have stronger feelings for girls. PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) “Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation. On http://www.pflagphoenix.org/support/guides/may_be_gay.html you'll find the brochure "I Think I'm Gay...Now What Do I Do?" which can help in understanding if feelings you have for guys may mean that you're gay. Remember that there's no rush to figure all of this out. Try to give yourself the time to go through different feelings and experiences with different people. You can take your time, trying dating all sorts of people, and see if your feelings become clearer as time goes on. What's most important is that you feel comfortable with you. You'll know in time.
As you try to understand your sexuality, it can help to talk about your questions with someone you trust such as a friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor. It might also be helpful to talk with LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning) young people who are familiar with the issues you’re dealing with. You might want to reach out to connect with people on TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org, the Trevor Project's safe online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24, their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others and see if anyone else might have helpful advice or support to offer you. A helpful website to check out about many issues relating to young people, including sex and sexuality, is www.advocatesforyouth.org. Click on “Topics and Issues”, then “GLBTQ Issues”, and there on the “GLBTQ Issues Home” page you’ll find lots of helpful information. If your school has a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) you could attend some meetings and learn what's helped others understand their sexual orientation.

You can always call the Trevor helpline at 1- 866-4-U-TREVOR. Our understanding counselors are here for you 24 hours, 7 days a week. They answer many calls from young people who have questions about their sexuality. Please know that you don't have to go through this all alone as we're always here for you at The Trevor Project.

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