Hi, I have a huge problem. I've had this crush on a girl in my class since the beginning of eighth grade and now I'm a freshman in high school. Over the summer I told my family that I'm a lesbian. I thought they would understand, but none of them did. My mom beat me and now my parents don't trust me. They said that I shouldn't choose that lifestyle. I tried to explain to them that I didn't choose it, but they didn't listen. They wouldn't let me go over to my friend's house because they thought she was influencing me. They're ruining my life. Now I'm trying to convince them that I'm not a lesbian so I can actually have a life. They threatened to move to a different school, and I know I can't tell them again.
But I still have a crush on the same girl, and I don't even know if she likes girls. I haven't told any of my friends that I'm a lesbian, and I feel really alone right now. I just want someone to accept me, especially my crush. Please help.
It’s so awful that your parents, the people who are supposed to love you the most, didn’t respond in a loving and supportive way when you took the risk of sharing your true self with them. Nevertheless, I do admire the strength it took for you to take that risk. Trust me, it will pay off for you in the long-run. And if your mother continues to beat you, please tell a teacher—being a parent does not give anyone the right to abuse their child.
O.K., I’m wondering if there might be some understanding adult in your life (a teacher, a school counselor, an aunt) you think it would be safe to confide in. If you think your parents might be open to family counseling (though not with a religiously-based counselor), a professional counselor might be able to help you and your parents deal with the situation in a healthier way. You might also check out the website for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (www.pflag.org) for additional support and information—though, if you’re now telling your parents you aren’t a lesbian, you might not want to give them PFLAG info at the moment!
Given how vulnerable you sound right now, I’d discourage you from coming out to your crush, unless you have good reasons to believe she’ll be cool about it. Consider the potential negative consequences to you if she doesn’t take this info well. Before taking any actions, please call our helpline, so you can speak with someone who will definitely understand and accept you. They can help you decide what your best options might be right now.