Dear Trevor,

I have recently made a New Year’s resolution that I would come out about me being gay. The problem is that I am afraid of what might happen. I love my life the way it is, and if I come out, I feel that I will not be accepted. I guess my worst fear is to be rejected by my parents. I love my mother and father and I don't know what I would do if they were disappointed in me. I couldn't live with the fact that my parents didn't love me. It is just so hard to make the right choice. Should I come out now or wait until I am older?
Signed,
Travis, 16, Rockmart GA
Dear Travis,

You know, Travis, if you truly love your life the way it is, and you have serious concerns about things changing in a negative way if you come out, maybe it would be better to wait a bit—until you’re older and more independent or until you feel more confident that coming out is the right thing for you to do. On the other hand, if you made a new year’s resolution to come out, I’m guessing that at least a part of you isn’t so in love with your life the way it is! J

But, whenever you decide to do it, keep in mind that there is a difference between your parents being disappointed in you and disappointed that you aren’t straight. Your being gay is simply who you are—it is not something you are “doing” to your parents. It’s very common, however, for parents to go through a period of adjustment, because, right or wrong, most have fantasies and wishes for their children, and, when the children don’t fulfill those wishes—for whatever reason—the parents can feel disappointment.

It doesn’t mean, of course, that they won’t get over their disappointment. Parents, Family & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (www.pflag.org) is full of parents who were once disappointed and upset by their child’s sexual orientation, but now march in Gay Pride parades! Why don’t you check out their website, before you decide if now’s the right time to come out? And please feel free to call our helpline, if you want to explore this issue further.

Trevor