I have a problem. I’m in a big relationship with this guy and he asked me to marry him! My problem is he is 26 and I am 15. We have dated for 2 years and I am very much in love, but my parents don’t know about him! He lives in New York, and he asked me to move in! But its statutory rape and I don’t want him to get in trouble. So, my question is what do I do?
in trouble!, 15,
Your alias says it all—this is indeed a very troubling situation you are in! A romantic, sexual relationship between a 26 year-old and a 15 year-old—even if the 15 year-old is willing—is not OK in the eyes of the law. It is considered to be legally non-consensual or statutory rape. What is of particular concern to me is that you seem to be more worried about this than your boyfriend does! What does it say to you, “In Trouble,” that the man who has asked you to marry him doesn’t seem to care that what he is asking of you is illegal?
It may be hard for you to see this situation clearly, since you have strong feelings for this man. But if he is really in love with you and really wants what is best for you, he would respect the fact that you are 15 and would be willing to wait until you are legally capable of consenting to a relationship with him.
Two years is an awfully long time to be in a relationship with someone without them having met the family. The fact that your parents don’t know about him also concerns me. The decision to move in with someone is a major one for any person to consider, especially if it involves moving to another state and leaving friends and family. When we approach changes like this in our lives, it is healthy to discuss them with our loved ones before jumping in. Aside from that, it’s important that a responsible adult be clued into what’s going on in order to ensure that you are safe.
And that’s the bottom line: your safety and well-being are the most important. So, if you are not yet ready to tell a responsible adult, I strongly encourage you to call The Trevor Helpline at 866.4.U.TREVOR (866.488.7386). Growing up sometimes means choosing to do what our head tells us is right, even when our heart wants to do something else. Go with your head on this one, “In Trouble.” You won’t regret it.