Okay this is my first letter. So I might have a lot of questions to ask. So here goes. I go to a school where some people doesn't accept LGBT people... My friends know I'm Bisexual. Others finds out because of the way I dress. I try to dress all girly. I'm a girl. Not a girly girl or a tomboy. Just a girl. What do I say if they make fun of me because I'm Bisexual.? It really hurts and frustrates me when they pick on another "unique" type of person like me. I cried so much. Because... a random person somehow got my Kik name and messaged me. He said that I'm messed up and God is going to punish me by making me go to Hell.... (I'm in tears just trying to type that part.) Is it true that I'm going to...Hell.? I'm scared. My twin sister is Bi too. My parents found out about that. And they started chastizing her. They said if we're like that then they would disown us. I'm serious. They think people like us are messed up. That hurt me a lot. They lectured us saying God made a man and woman to love each other, marry each other. Not man and man or woman and woman. They don't see that we are like everybody else; human. So I'm asking how do I come out to my parents.? I'm not ready yet and I don't feel like ever telling them.. I have this crush on a girl for almost 3 years. She is a sophomore and I'm a freshman. So we don't see each other whatsoever. Her name is DELETED FOR PRIVACY. She is just the sweetest person I know. She's a gorgeous girl, has the most beautiful smile and deep blue eyes. Every time I hear her name or see her, I tend to blush. She makes my day everyday. She is really tall and a great runner. We have some common interests here and there. But... 3 days since school ended last year. I told her my feelings. I've been giving hints to her by giving her notes. She is straight and she said she accepted me for who I am but she's not like that. So that crushed me...a lot. Before I told her all that, I hit rock bottom. She was right there when I needed her.. but in the end, she gave up on me and threw me aside. So our friendship isn't so high and mighty anymore. We stopped talking to each other for about 5 months. But I started Kiking with her.. and now I'm trying to build up that friendship again. I still have a crush on her. More feelings than ever. I can't hold back that much so I start to talk about her a lot. Nothing else but her. I've sacraficed a lot so she doesn't get in trouble. I take the blame for her so she doesn't get detentions. Everything I do for her is to make her happy. A lot of my friends says that I should move on because she has hurted me from the past. They said she's not worth my time if she has done those kind of stuff to me. But I can't let go. I still want her in my life. She did make me a better person. She makes me happy. Without her I have that huge gap in my life. I want her there for me. Because I know I'll be there for her no matter what the consequences are. I really REALLY like her a lot. But I don't know what to do anymore. I needed advice and my friends doesn't get it because I'm different from them. That's why I'm typing to you. I always look at your website and I hesitate to talk to you about this. ADDRESS DELETED FOR PRIVACY <--- That's her. Heres me. DELETED FOR PRIVACY I'm on the bottom right corner. Yeah.. I don't look like much.... I feel like I'm not good enough. But she makes me happy. She makes feel like I'm noticed. Sometimes she would look at me in the hallways when we walk to class. I would look over and she would look away. Then I look over and look away when she sees me. Sometimes she would give me the biggest smile and say, "Hi Vanessa.!" I would make her laugh every time. I love her laugh and her smile. I told myself that if she has a boyfriend...then I would just let go of those feelings for her.. I hurts my heart every time I think about that. I see people holding hands at school. Yes I get jealous. They have someone that likes them back.. I've had guys and girls ask me out but I said no because I like someone else. I want to hold her hands and not be embarrassed by it. Hug and kiss her whenever I want to. Wipe her tears when she is broken. Lay right next to her until she falls asleep. Take her to the movies or anywhere she wants to go. Anything. All I want is to be with her. But I know that's never going to happen. But why am I still chasing after her? I don't know, maybe because my heart and soul tells me to never let go but my mind tells me to stop and move on.
Signed,
Vanessa Baccam, 14, Shueyville IA

Hi Vanessa,

 

Welcome. During high school, belonging to a group and fitting in are important motivations for many students. Everyone wants to be "liked". For many, being "liked" oftens means "being like" everyone else. Because of this social element, people that are "different" are often the target of ridicule.

 

Often, the people spouting the comments do so out of personal insecurity. It seems the only way they can feel better about themselves is cutting other people down. So, the first step in dealing with those bullies is to realize this is not about you, or your uniqueness. It is about their insecurity.

 

Many religions teach oppostition to same sex relationships. But, there are communities that embrace all of their congregants. The challenge lies in locating these accepting communities. To learn about the Biblical scriptures that teach compassion and support for gay people, you might consider reading through the numerous guides on Soulforce’s “Resources” webpage at www.soulforce.org and also reading the PFLAG guide “Faith in our Families: Parents, Families and Friends Talk About Religion and Homosexuality” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/FaithinourFamilies.pdf..” If you'd like to read more about various opinions regarding faith and sexual orientation, there is also a great resource online called The Institute for Welcoming Resources at http://www.welcomingresources.org/. It is the most comprehensive and up to date website devoted to providing religious and faith based resources for the LGBTQ community.

 

Kristin Cheonowith is an actress. She has been on GLEE. This is a great clip in which she talks about being a Christian and supporting gay marriage. She eloquently states, "God made us the way we are. And, God does not make mistakes."

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF4ksJZwSuQ&playnext=1&list=PLE001ADD8CDC967D5&feature=results_video

 

Vanessa, there is nothing shameful or sinful about your atractions for boys and girls. Your feeings are a normal, natural expression of your sexuality. Other people may not understand. But, that does not make you wrong.

 

Coming out, revealing your sexual orientation, is completely your decision. Your safety and comfort are the guiding principles. In trying to figure out whether or not to come out, it can help to ask yourself some questions including: What does it feel like keeping this part of your life a secret? Does it cause you a lot of stress worrying about them finding out? Are you worried that if you told your family or your friends, you'd be unsafe physically or emotionally? If you told your parents, are you concerned that they might kick you out of the house? If you decided to tell them and they did kick you out, it would be important to have a safety plan, meaning a safe place where you could live and continue to go to school and a way to support yourself financially.

 

Some people decide to wait until they are living away from home and are financially independent before telling members of their family about their sexual orientation/gender identity. You might find the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf helpful. In addition, on http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions you'll find an article called "Coming Out to Your Parents: Questions to Think About" which may be of help to you. Remember, there is no rush. While you think about coming out, you can get some support from supportive communites.

 

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one's sexual orientation/gender identity. On their website at www.pflag.org click on "Get Support" then click on "For Family & Friends" where you'll find the pamphlets "Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People" and “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your family members/friends to help them become more understanding and accepting of you. PFLAG also runs support groups where parents and others can discuss questions and concerns they have about a loved one's sexual orientation and where LGBT people can discuss issues they're having with people in their life. On their website, you can search for a chapter near you. If no chapter is near you or if your family members/friends won't attend, you could still contact the nearest chapter and get support and learn ways to help them become more understanding of you.

 

Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality, coming out, and dealing with bullies.

 

Dating in high school can be awkard for everyone. For LGBT teens, dating can be more challenging. Even if a teen identifies as LGBT, being out can be difficult. For teens that are out, it can be difficult to find other LGBT teens to date. Your desire to be free to date and express your affection, like your peers, is completely understandable.

 

Having a crush on a best friend is common. It makes perfect sense. You share a history. You know each other well. Vanessa, you took a brave step in communicating your feelings. Eventhough she was straight, she still accepted you as you are. Now, the challenge becomes accepting your friend for her sexuality. Can you see the possibility of being friends? Good friends are hard to find.

 

This experience will help you as you continue dating. Your friend possesses certain qualities that you find attractive. You can identify these qualities and seek them in another potential date. You mention the battle between your heart and soul and your mind. This is the perfect description of the struggle between emotions and logic. Of course, your heart is telling you to hold onto hope. But, your mind is acknowledging the difference in your sexualities. Finding a balance between heart and head is a challenge faced by everyone.

 

Vanessa, you have entered the realm of love,sex and romance. Everyone, even adults, experience these issues. As you stated, you are human. This is part of beng human.