I’m so scared and alone. I just want to talk to someone, but I have no one I can trust when it comes to this. I’m a lesbian. I’ve known this for quite a while now. I try to suppress what I feel, but it doesn’t seem to work and I feel like I’m on the edge of breaking. I know my parents would hate me if they knew. My mom says negative stuff about gays all the time. I try not to take it personally but I do and my friends would find me disgusting if they knew. It feels like no one knows who I really am. I just needed to get all this out. I really need someone I can talk to, someone who understands and won’t judge me. Bye.
You’re clearly going through a very difficult and painful time. I’m really glad that you wrote to Dear Trevor in order to get all this out and to get help and support. Though you’re feeling alone, please know that we at The Trevor Project care about you and are always here for you to talk about everything you’re feeling and going through.
Many people are unsure of their sexual orientation until later in their life and you show what a smart, insightful, open person you are in being aware of being lesbian for quite a while. It’s important to know that being lesbian is natural and normal. Many lesbians are proud of who they are, lead good lives with supportive friends, loving partners, graduate from school and get good jobs.
It’s completely understandable that you’d feel scared and would try to suppress your feelings, when you feel that your parents would hate you if they knew you’re lesbian, and you hear your mom say negative stuff about gays and feel that your friends would find you disgusting. It sounds like their feelings and words understandably make it unsafe for you to be open. Please know that there is no rush to tell them about you being lesbian. What’s most important is that you’re comfortable and safe.
As you’re experiencing, it can be frustrating and cause a lot of pressure holding in who you are and even, as you’ve said, push you to the edge of breaking. Writing to Dear Trevor is a great first step in being more open about being lesbian and about talking about and dealing with the difficulties you’ve been going through. Having people who you can be yourself with and who you can to talk with without fear of judgment would be so important and helpful for you. Is there a relative, teacher or school counselor that you would feel comfortable and safe talking with? Does your school have a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) where you might go to talk? You could talk to other LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning) youth by calling the GLBT National Youth Talkline at 1-800-246-7743. You might also visit Trevorspace at www.trevorspace.org a social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. OutYouth (512-419-1233) is an organization that provides support and services to LGBTQ youth ages 12 to 19 in Austin and Central Texas. On their website at www.outyouth.org you can learn about their different programs for lesbian youth. PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is an organization that helps parents and others become more understanding of their loved one’s sexual orientation and provides support for LGBTQ people. You can contact their Austin chapter at 512-302-3524 or email@example.com and learn more about their services by visiting their website at http://www.pflag-austin.org .
You can also always call the Trevor help line at 1-866-4-U-Trevor 24 hours, 7 days a week. Our understanding counselors would welcome your call to talk with you about your feelings and everything you’ve been going through. Please remember that we’re always here for you.