Dear Trevor, I am feminine bodied and attracted to feminine bodied people. I am experiencing a difficult situation that is new to me. This year I joined orchestra at my school because my mom wanted me to make some friends. I did make a few new friends, which I'm really happy about, but it's just now becoming evident that I have a crush on one of them. It's such a new type of crush for me, too. Normally I am attracted to someone because I find them physically appealing. All the relationships I've had in the past have been based on lust, not love. However, although i do find the girl from orchestra that I have a crush on attractive, I also am in love with her personality. I want her for reasons beyond physical contact. I met her in October, and she asked me if I wanted to hang out with her. We got to know each other and we have the greatest conversations. I'm Wiccan and she's Jewish and I'm wild and she's shy but somehow it seems so natural and easy when we hang out. In December I had a suicidal episode and I poured my heart out to her. She knows all the gory stuff about my past and the inner turmoil that still plagues me in the present, yet she still continues to hangout with me. She is always very honest with me and I feel that to be honest with her, I should tell her that I have a crush on her. The problem is that i am 99% sure she is straight. I wrote her a half page note saying I have a crush on her, that I hope she doesn't take it the wrong way, and that I would like to talk about it if it's ok with her. I also added that I value our friendship and I hope that by telling her I have a crush on her that our friendship stays intact even if she doesn't have a crush on me. Do you think I should give her the note?
Signed,
Willow, 15, Seattle WA
Hello WIllow, Almost everyone has a tale about a dear friend that evokes the desire to be closer, to be romantically involved. IF you had a dollar for everytime someone developed a crush on a great friend, you could purchase your own country! Of course, that does not make it easier. Unfortunately, no one can tell you what to do. You need to make that decision for yourself. You must consider the changes that may occur when you present your feelings. WHatever you decide, you must be able to be open to the possible response. If she does not share your romantic feelings, she may go through a period of adjustment. It might be a bit awkward, at least at first. Are you willing to risk that period of discomfort to be open and honest? It is completely your decision. You have devloped a great freindship. It seems you are at a point where the "envelope" of your relatioship is expanding. IF you decide to be honest, it will be placing the friendship in a new place. IF she shares your feelings, the friendship may shift with a romantic tone. IF she does nt share your feelings, your friendship will have a new challenge- Can the two of you find a place where you can respect each others feelings without sharing romance? Those are the possibilities. YOu are the one in the vulnerable place. If you are sure she is straight, romantic involvement seems unlikely. IF you still want to express your feelngs, you can choose words that convey your love, while keeping her feelngs in mind. " YOu have been a wonderful, supportive friend. I know you are straight. ANd I have a crush on you. Knowing you will not return them I want to be honest about my feelings. I hope we can continue to be friends." I am sure you will find a way to be honest and respectful.